horoscopes from
Hell
A MONTHLY COLUMN BY CHESS
Greetings, dear stargazers
It's Chess here, your guide through the celestial dance of this mortal coil.
As we traverse the cosmic tapestry of 2025, let's uncover what the universe has in store for each of you.
Your fate isn’t written in the stars, my darlings—it’s scribbled in the blood of sinners and whispered by demons like me who belong to the ether. Expect twisted truths, ominous warnings, and the occasional bribe for your soul. Whether you live in Wonderland, Hell, or somewhere in between—destiny is watching.
And sometimes destiny is turned completely upside down.
As with all my advice on life, try not to take anything I say too seriously.
I certainly never do.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout my long life, it’s that the universe is full of mysteries, much like Wonderland itself.
your april horoscope
With Mercury dancing retrograde and a full moon in Libra, April is set to toy with your desires and dreams. Careful, my kittens—some stars lead to glory, others to delightful ruin.
January’s horoscope (Copy) (Copy)
Greetings, my curious kittens. March unfolds with cosmic mischief. With Venus retrograding in Aries and a total lunar eclipse gracing the skies, expect the unexpected.
your march horoscope
March unfolds with cosmic mischief. With Venus retrograding in Aries and a total lunar eclipse gracing the skies, expect the unexpected.
your february horoscope
February’s chill holds more than frost; it cradles secrets, temptations, and perhaps a few delightful traps.
